‘[I] showed up with food, not a shovel’: House guest gets a bait-and-switch, getting invited to a family BBQ just to be coerced into yard work; he refuses

Author image for Jesse Kessenheimer
Jesse Kessenheimer • Writer and Editor
Jun 26, 2025 1:00 PM EDT

Summer's here! This means that we have barbecues, lake days, and long nights around the campfire ahead of us. For many, especially the homeowner DIYers of the world, summer is a haven for new projects, outdoor excursions, and, of course, landscaping updates. However, if you asked me, if I were given the choice between a laid-back barbecuing afternoon and a sweaty, dirty work day in the garden, I'd gladly choose the potato salad, corn on the cob, and a sizzling burger. 

But this house guest was never given a choice in the matter when he got stuck in a classic, summer-coded bait-and-switch.

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  • I'm not going to lie to you, this guy's family history was a mess. After breaking up with his ex-wife, she later remarried, and for some reason, he still had to live with them. Down, but not out, this guy got back on the dating scene as well, starting up his summer with a new girlfriend. So perhaps to haze them into the ex-in-law Hall of Fame, his former stepfather decided to invite him to a summer mixer, luring him under false pretenses to do yard work in his summer niceties. 

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    via RDNE Stock

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • AITA for leaving a "family" BBQ when asked to help in the garden? On Thursday, I was invited to a family BBQ at my ex-wife's step- father's house scheduled for today. I brought BBQ sausages,
    via Large-Meat-Feast
  • and prepared a home-made pasta salad and potato salad Being good weather I dressed in summery clothes and shoes, as did my GF who was also invited.
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  • When we got there, we were told that we each had to help first - clear the patio of dog mess (my dogs were at home) and then clear a space in the garden so that my ex-wife's step-father could put a greenhouse there next week.
    via Large-Meat-Feast
  • After stating that I wasn't dressed for yard work, and had just been expecting conversation and drinks/food on the patio, I declined to help. Instantly everyone made it clear to me that I wasn't wanted if I wasn't going to help, so myself and my GF left and found a nice country pub for dinner instead.
    via Large-Meat-Feast
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    via Alter_Photo

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • I've got back home now and kids of the adults who were there are now calling me names on social media and stating that I'm scared of hard work.
    via Large-Meat-Feast
  • Did I do the right thing after being lured there under false pretences or should I have stayed and potentially ruined a good set of clothes just to appease them?
    via Large-Meat-Feast
  • Worried_Suit4820 My sister and her then-boyfriend went to a housewarming party, dressed for a party, bottle of wine in hand. When they got there they were given a paintbrush and were assigned a wall to paint. They left too.
    via Worried_Suit4820
  • ElarenVale⚫ NTA, who invites someone to a BBQ and then springs yard work on them like it's a volunteer day? You showed up with food, not a shovel lol
    via ElarenVale
  • Unlikely-Ad5982 NTA. They are though. You don't invite someone to bbq and expect them to work like that. Maybe help to move a chair or two but that's it. I'd contact them and tell them to get the kids to take down the social media posts or you will tell the truth about their 'party'.
    via Unlikely-Ad5982
  • ConvivialKat ⚫ I think the bigger question is, "Who in their right mind would accept a BBQ party invite from their EX-WIFE'S STEP-FATHER?" And bring your current GF. That entire dynamic would weird me out so much that I wouldn't have been there in the first place.
    via ConvivialKat
  • Lovethemdoggos • According to one of OPs posts, he's living with his ex and her husband. So I guess that's why he was invited? But he did also steal her car to visit his new girlfriend a few weeks ago so I can't imagine his ex and her family are thrilled with him right now. Maybe the cleanup was punishment for that stupid move.
    via Lovethemdoggos
  • HighRiseCat Er not just garden work but CLEARING THE PATIO OF DOG MESS?! who tf invites people round to do that?
    via HighRiseCat
  • hazydripz lol they invited you for a BBQ, not unpaid landscaping. You did the right thing by bouncing.
    via hazydripz
  • Either_Coconut ⚫ If they'd actually TOLD you in advance, "Hey, we need some yard work done; everyone gets BBQ afterward", that would have been one thing. It would've been a valid exchange of time/effort for food.
    via Either_Coconut
  • But nobody told you that was the arrangement. You're NTA for deciding that wasn't the kind of day you were prepared to have. False pretenses, indeed. If you get any additional invites from these people, which might not be an issue going forward, now you know to ask questions before agreeing to attend.
    via Either_Coconut

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